Slice Slice, Baby

A few months before Bo passed away him and I were on the phone while I was in Target. 

I had found all the new GOLD + BLACK Office decor (which matches my Oil Office PERFECT) + was in mid obsessed mode going on about a gold unicorn and a black and white globe and how much I needed it!! Bo in perfect Bo fashion made fun of my need for these items and swiftly brought my single mama ass back to reality as they weren’t a need let alone in my budget, I obliged and continued on. Later texting him a picture of my (favorite) slice slice baby 🍕 tank saying I didn’t care what he said I was getting this it was only $5! He text back saying I better have bought the tank. 😁We have a thing with pizza… a story for another day 🤣

Cut to last week when the last of the Gold + Black Office items went on clearance. It broke my heart. I cried In the middle of target. I was in tears the days before Christmas because I just knew my trip down that aisle will never be the same. Every single time I walk down there I remember that conversation and how much he grounded me, helped me + would make me laugh every single day. Seeing those items leave made me feel like I would forget. I would forget that conversation, that feeling, all of it. 😔 I don’t want to forget. 

Yesterday I opened the BEST present. My mom got me my gold unicorn!! 😭

I cried, I laughed. I remembered. She still agrees I don’t need the black and white globe 🙄🙄 but knew this would make me so happy.

this unicorn represents so much and I will treasure it forever. 🖤


Some Days are a Test

Some days just start trying to take you down. Today I woke up, curveballs were thrown left + right, not to mention we are still kinda recovering from the car accident from Friday night. This week is so busy for me so each obstacle and bad encounter can’t take me down or hinder me.

I don’t have time to be down. Only way we do this damn thing is if we keep pushing, keep showing up and keep fighting.

Today I’m being tested, and it’s simply that, a test. A test to use my recently discovered strengths and get us through.

& when I look at it like that and all we have been through I can’t help but know we frankin’ got this. 🤗🖤

Sweet 23

This is my FAVORITE picture of us. 
One of the only ones I really have but still my favorite. 
You made this day the most special ever. 

My 23rd birthday. 

I can still hear you sing “sweet 23“ 🎶 in that MTV show’s theme song. 🤣 

It was pink + black themed and you had it perfect. There was COR in giant pink glitter letters with a memory book.

We had pink + black sushi people!!! Pink + Black sushi!! 🍣🖤

Towards the end we realized we had no cake and before I could even care Bo comes out with this, a candy bar with a candle. #perfection. He always knew how to calm + make happy my heart. 😌

I couldn’t be happier to see his page back up!!!!!!

Crying happy tears! 😭😭😭😭

Bo, you are missed every single freaking day! I know you are so proud of everything but gosh darn it you should be here. 😔

I miss you more than I ever could express and love you more than I ever understood. 🖤✨ 

Happy Birthday to my very best friend. 
Dancing with you today, Let’s celebrate! ✨🤗🎊

Magical Grey Hairs

t’s funny. I would pluck these a lot more after we left.

My “magical” white patch of grey hairs. I noticed them the day we left….I was checking the giant bruise and cleaning off dried blood. 😞

They say there is no scientific proof that head trauma can cause your hair to change color but I don’t need a scientist to know that a section of my skull that never had a grey now had about 5 white ones exactly where part of my head was smashed in.😒😒

These hairs are a reminder of our old toxic life and how far we have come.

Maybe one day I’ll dye them but in the meantime Ill wear them as a badge of how freaking strong I am. If you’ve heard me talk about that day and the first incident 2 weeks before…I often say how shocked I was I didn’t fight back.

Like I went into the flight part when I figured I’d be all fight.

But you see that’s part of what saved me. I might not of fought on the outside. But the strength on the inside is what got us through and will always be what keeps us safe, happy + healthy. 

75 Days

Today is a BIG day!!

75 days sober. 🎉✨🖤

20 days after my 35th birthday I had to say goodbye to my relationship with alcohol. It was a long time coming but now it is so beautifully and perfectly woven into my story.

You see almost 10 years ago when I became a Mommy I slowly and with out much notice used alcohol to hide away from the life that I truly believed was my ever after… only it lacked the happily. 😔

As the boys + I began our new life to find our healthy happy it became clear to me I didn’t need alcohol like I did in the past to survive.

I WAS happy now. Sure I have bad days. Real bad days since losing Bo especially.

But using those coping mechanisms through the highs and lows of life aren’t working for me + is completely unhealthy.

I felt like such a phony to claim health and wellness and down all the wine. I don’t have the off switch like some for alcohol.

I was never and could never be the 1 drink and be done person. + since I used alcohol for most things that habit I created no longer fits into my life.

I feel so amazing since making this decision. Like there has not be one day I’m not thankful for so many things that have come with this new journey! I am beyond proud of myself and now to see what I am truly capable of really puts our future in a whole new perspective! So many amazing things to come. 🖤🎉🌈✨ 

The Tale of the Warrior Scar Serum

From one of the worst experiences of my life The Warrior Scar Serum was born.

Once upon a time I sat alone in shock with a split open face, concussion, my aroma complete kit full of oils + my Essential Oils Desk Reference.

Every oil it listed for skin healing and scars if I had it, I grabbed it and started mixing.

They couldn’t stitch my head when I finally saw a doctor, it had been too long, but the healing of my face from the oils was quite incredible in just a few days. 

This story sucks, that time sucked. I’ll never forget how lonely I felt that night with that book and those oils. But I’ll tell you this. What has happened since and how alive and supported I feel now it’s really unreal. I don’t joke when I say oils saved us.

They did on so many levels.

We are forever changed for the better. I’ll never stop sharing our story. 🖤

Warrior Serum Recipe

Roman Chamomile

Fill rest with equal parts
Vitamin E

In a 1oz dropper I use 15 drops each of essential oil.

Start with what you have. Some of these are costly and also go out of stock. You can’t go wrong with even just 2 or 3 of what’s listed!! 😍✨

Heavy hitter if you want to invest in one that you don’t have is the the Helichrysum. 🖤

Choice or Created for Survival?

It’s very interesting the change that takes place when you are around a person that fiercely loves you and wants you happy.

When your home is no longer a battle ground or war zone but rather a retreat and safe haven, what happens inside, is simply amazing.

the peace + ease you feel…. #nowords ☺️😍

You’re able to take the sweetest touch, a kind tone and small gesture and appreciate it completely and not for one second take any of it for granted.

Sometimes I get sad for the years that seemed so wasted, the ones I didn’t even know how bad it was.

When I was still trying to ignore and numb what was clear as day.

It’s sad sometimes thinking of the time soo very sad + alone.

But it’s also so freeing. It’s so liberating to know I will never feel that “nothing” again.

I can’t apologize to the old me for just trying to survive but I thank her for being so strong and brave to get us safely and happy here. ✨🖤✨🖤

You gotta Nourish to Flourish.

I’ve gained almost 20… yes 20 lbs in 6 months! 😬😬 and although 10 ish I probably needed after we moved back home…. the rest I do NOT! 
Truth is I’m happy these days. I’m doing more cooking and more treat yo’self ing. 😏😂

But I’m not really making good choices and def not working out! 
At the ripe age of 34.5 years old, I must make sure that I’m taking great care of a body I want to last me at least another 50 Years!!! Just checking in to see who wants to join me and help keep each other accountable and motivated.

I’m going to be to

  • ✅Drinking my Ningxia Red
  • ✅Taking my supplements
  • ✅Drinking my complete protein shake
  • ✅Drinking 70 ounces of water
  • ✅Working out for 30 mins 4 days a week (really want to do 6!!)

For food I’ll be

  • ✅meal planning & prepping
  • ✅upping my greens
  • ✅limiting my carbs
  • ✅opting for natural sugar only
  • ✅& attempting minimal alcohol intake 😬🤦🏻‍♀️ 

#prayforkiki 😂