Don’t wait for the first time.

There once was a time I could say he never hit me, once upon a time.

Once upon a time I didn’t worry of violence, let alone be beat to near death by my once husband.

I refer to the first time he smashed and tossed me around like a rag doll as the first time and the time he split my face open with his in front of the boys as the last time because it was just that. The first and last.

In-between the abuse + traumas was 2 weeks. 2 weeks to the day.

The only reason we didn’t leave after the first time was because leaving an abusive marriage with 3 kids takes strategic planning… or at least I thought.

I know now; we should have just left.

Statistically someone who is strangled by an intimate partner is over 70% likely to be killed by that person. Read more about Domestic Violence murders here, the stats are beyond disturbing.

Those 2 weeks I thought was giving me time to get money and make a plan. But staying those 2 weeks almost cost me my life.

Every time I see a story of the husband killing the wife and then the children, I just know our story could have ended tragically.

Hearing women defend emotional and financial abuse and controlling behavior because he hasn’t “put hands on” them is scary and reckless.

I never thought things would escalate and get to where they did. I never thought the person who vowed to love me til death do us part could actually be the one who would try to take my life with his hands.

I share our story to keep you from having a first time or at the very least make damn sure there’s a last time.

Pictures above are from both the first and last time. You can see some older bruises mixed with new as I was not healed from the first time when he struck again, this time with our 3 boys as witness.

Middle is me now. You can still see my scar, but thankfully to God and Oils they are healed.

You can read more about my scar serum here.

I have yet to blog the details of the last time yet, that one is real hard because the boys you can read a little more about The First Time. I had this password protected so use code FTG if it asks.

My blogs focused on domestic violence.

Thanks for reading. So much light and love to you. 🖤

what if?

I often think about this when I am super appreciative of something that Kiki is doing that could seem normal or common sense to most people.

I do not take any appreciation, love caring, attentiveness from him for granted, ever.

I have been abandoned.
I have been unloved.
I have felt abuse that I don’t wish on anybody.

But, the appreciation and gratitude that I have for our life could never be without my darkest hours. #amen#overcomer

my story to share

Yesterday I was told that my story was mine and not someone else’s when I was offering advice against what was clearly emotionally abuse. When red flags and cries for help were clear as day from a woman who in her own words is controlled by her husband I will speak up to help and bring hope.
I’m so very tired of people using religion, a biblical stand by your man attitude in helping victims shift blame off their abuser.

I see the red flags now + I can also understand why the excuses are made to stay, but I will not be silenced in sharing our story.
Because yes. My story is mine and mine alone; but if it helps just one other women to freedom than I will speak my truth, they can take or leave the guidance I give. My story could be the small seed planted to help them regain their power back and for that I’ll never stop sharing. 🖤🌈✨

It is domestic violence awareness month, I plan to do extra sharing, so if this bothers you you probably know how to unfollow. 🤗

Toilet Bowl Cleaner

DIY Toilet Bowl Cleaner
1 cup water
1/2 cup baking soda
1/2 cup Castile soap
1 capful of Thieves Cleaner
15 drops of whatever you want – I like using purification or a citrus essential oil

Add to a bottle like this.

You squeeze it into the toilet bowl, then add peroxide. This actually activates it and kills all the germy yucky stuff.

Scrub and flush!

grant yourself kindness

This is one of the hardest parts of living so long in a toxic and abusive relationship.

Years later and I still have this inner feeling that’s so critical and defensive. I have to calm my constant state of proving myself worthy to be loved or wanted.

When you’ve been abused and abandoned by the person who vowed to protect you it’s easy to see a villain in just about any situation.

It’s easy to believe that everyone will eventually leave or hurt you or both.

The healing comes when you allow someone to love you how you deserve despite how you have been conditioned.

Allowing grace to fill your heart and soul to live in the loving moment and not your traumatic past. 🖤🖤🖤

living like a fraud

@recoveryisthenewblack_ 🎤 a little louder for the ones in the back. (but not too loud because I know you’re probs hungover 😵) This was a HUGE moment for me deciding to quit alcohol. How can I be healthy AND consume alcohol the way I did?

It’s an addicting substance that is no way good for your mental or physical state. It pushed my dark days deeper and made the mom guilt feel heavier. It kept me captive to abuse.

Celebrations and excuses aside.
Alcohol is TOXIC. 💯 +++ I felt like a fraud.

To be soooo “healthy” in all these aspects of my life during then to drink poison at night. You don’t have to be a daily drinker to have a problem. If its limiting your life perhaps it’s time to try life without it.

Vegan, Paleo or Keto is hardly a feat if you rosé all day or need booze to go to kids events or do yoga. 🖤🖤