18 MONTHS
๐ฌ๐ผ๐โ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ป๐ผ๐ ๐ด๐ผ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ผ ๐บ๐ฎ๐๐๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐น๐ถ๐ณ๐ฒ ๐ถ๐ป ๐ท๐๐๐ ๐ผ๐ป๐ฒ ๐ฑ๐ฎ๐.
๐๐๐๐ ๐บ๐ฎ๐๐๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ฑ๐ฎ๐ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ ๐๐ผ๐บ๐ผ๐ฟ๐ฟ๐ผ๐.
1๏ธโฃ8๏ธโฃ ๐๐ฅ๐๐ก๐๐๐กโ ๐ ๐ข๐ก๐ง๐๐ฆ!! ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐โ๐ ๐ฎ ๐๐ต๐ผ๐น๐ฒ ๐น๐ผ๐๐๐ฎ ๐ผ๐ป๐ฒ ๐ฑ๐ฎ๐๐ ๐ฎ๐ ๐ฎ ๐๐ถ๐บ๐ฒ ๐๐๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐๐ฝ. ๐คย #teetotaler

a little bit of sunshine & a whole lot of love
Itโs amazing what a little bit a sunshine + whole lotta love will do for a girl. ๐๐คโจโจโจโฃ

Today 3 years ago we got the keys to a beautiful bright home with hope that yet another game of make believe will finally make life ok. โฃ
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Less than 45 days later my dad and brother were helping us load up what we could grab (I think it was 6 diffusers and zero socks if youโve heard the story ๐). โฃ
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With my broken face + even more broken spirit, I packed up my terrified + confused children and we left.โฃ
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I donโt think Iโve even been more unhappy then when we were in North Carolina, I blamed the weather, I blamed the state but now we know.โฃ
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All that known, I absolutely wouldnโt change it if I had the chance.โฃ
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Every single drop of blood, sweat and tears brought us to where we are today. + I could not be more thankful + grateful that we are beyond happy, safe + loved. ๐คโจโจโจ

Dreams on Dreams on Dreams

Tonight we manifested our dreams for 2020 and made dry shampoo to use while we tackle them.โจ๐ฑ๐ค We dropped rose on our crown, diffused into the future and listened to meditation music.
It was spiritual, peaceful + everything my heart needed. ๐ค

My one word for 2020 is community and this evening was the perfect start. ๐ฑ
DIY | Dry Shampoo
๐ฟ๐๐ ๐ฟ๐๐ ๐๐๐ผ๐๐๐๐โฃ
ษดแดษด-แดแดxษชแด + แดสส ษดแดแดแดสแดส โฃ

๐๐๐๐๐๐ฟ๐๐๐๐๐ โฃ
โฃ
2 ๐๐ฝ๐ ๐ผ๐ง๐ง๐ค๐ฌ๐ง๐ค๐ค๐ฉ ๐๐ค๐ฌ๐๐๐งโฃ
5 ๐๐ง๐ค๐ฅ๐จ ๐๐๐ซ๐๐ฃ๐๐๐งโฃ
5 ๐๐ง๐ค๐ฅ๐จ ๐พ๐๐๐๐ง๐ฌ๐ค๐ค๐โฃ
5 ๐๐ง๐ค๐ฅ๐จ ๐๐ค๐จ๐๐ข๐๐ง๐ฎโฃ
โฃ
For ๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ผ๐๐ add:โฃ
โฃ
2 ๐๐ฝ๐ ๐พ๐ค๐๐ค๐ ๐๐ค๐ฌ๐๐๐งโฃ
โฃ
For ๐ฝ๐๐๐๐ฟ๐ ๐๐ผ๐๐ add:โฃ
โฃ
3/4 ๐ฉ๐จ๐ฅ ๐๐ช๐ข๐๐ง๐๐ โฃ
โฃ
For ๐๐๐ฟ ๐๐ผ๐๐ add:โฃ
โฃ
2 1/4 ๐ฉ๐จ๐ฅ ๐๐๐ฅ๐ง๐๐ ๐ โฃ
โฃ
๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ผ๐๐:โฃ
Add all ingredients to a bowl and stir until they are thoroughly combined. โฃ
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Transfer your dry shampoo to an airtight jar for storage. โฃ
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๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐:โฃ
First, grab the makeup brush and apply dry shampoo to the roots around forehead and temples. This is typically the area that needs the most volume. Next, I flip my head over and use the brush to apply it to the rest of my scalp.โฃ
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After that, allow the powder to set for 2-3 minutes, then brush your hair from root to tip. This helps to distribute the powder throughout your hair as well as remove any excess.โฃ
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Now, run your fingers through your hair and look for oily places you may have missed. โฃ
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Spot apply as needed, then brush again. Ideally, youโll want to give your hair 5-10 minutes to fully absorb the shampoo before styling, but if youโre in a rush go ahead and style immediately.๐ฑโจ๐ค
I wish I could tell her.

Wish I could tell her. โฃ
Wish I could warn her. โฃ
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You really think this is it.โฃ
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Itโs not. โฃ
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RUN.
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๐คโฃ
๐คโฃ
๐คโฃ
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Not even 6 weeks later he beat me up so horrifically in that beautiful kitchen, I still get flashbacks and have a hard time with the memories. โฃ
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2 weeks after that the blood from my face was splattered on the other side of that door as he almost killed me front of our children…..๐ โฃ
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๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐คโฃ
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Changing the house didnโt change a thing. โฃ
Leaving the abuse changed EVERYTHING. โจ๐ค
Oh Kiki

Keeks been sick + working for the last 2 days yet, he came home with flowers and my favorite chocolate for me, to stay thanks for taking care of him. Iโm not surprised the elderberry and oils worked but Iโll never stop being in awe and wonder of this mans love and the way he shows me.
This morning, I woke to a big withdrawal/transaction I wasnโt expecting pretty much emptying an account Iโm trying to save money in.
Basically I woke to money missing that I wasnโt expecting and all of a sudden I was that scared woman hiding her wallet at night from her addict husband wondering how we will pay bills.๐ Itโs a feeling that flashes back and that feels so real it takes over me and my emotions.
Yโall. When Iโm like this itโs not pretty. I fully expected him to rush off to work just to avoid my meltdown but he stayed. He brought me coffee, he put on my favorite show to distract me and he showed me kindness, grace and love.
Like always him simply being there reminded me that I am safe. I am ok. I can handle this and anything life throws my way and heโs always going to protect me. ๐ค๐ฑย #ohkikiย #keeksncokes
Let it GO.
Your new life is going to cost you your old one.
Itโs going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense of direction.
Itโs going to cost you relationships and friends. Itโs going to cost you being liked and understood. But it doesnโt matter.
Because the people who are meant for you are going to meet you on the other side. And youโre going to build a new comfort zone around the things that actually move you forward.
And instead of like, youโre going to be loved. Instead of understanding, youโre going to be seen.
All youโre going to lose is what was built for a person you no longer are.
Let it go. โ Brianna Wiest

Maybe

Maybe we donโt heal by convincing ourselves that someday, the pain will fade; that weโll return to our former selves and reclaim the life we used to have.
Maybe we heal when we accept that itโs okay to never go back; when we stop trying to use the broken pieces to rebuild the old picture, and instead, create a new one.
Maybe we heal by affirming that even with this pain, we can craft a life that gives us meaning; that even when there are storms that flood our hearts, we can learn how to swim; that when night falls, we can learn to create our own light.
Maybe healing means trusting that no matter how many times we have to recreate ourselves and redirect our path, we will end up where weโre meant to be. โ Daniell Koepke
At the end of the day, we have it all.
A few things got me with through yesterday but alcohol was not one of them.

When you go through hard shit sober, itโs a lot. Like a lot a lot. ๐ซ ++ when you pretty much drank for all the emotions + youโre forced to sit with them finally. Holy hell.
But damn.
When you break throug
When you come out the other side. ๐
When the rational side overcomes the emotional side and all the work you put in can be used to get you through. That is pure MAGIC.โจ I lost it yesterday. Emotionally. I broke. But at the end of the day. I am still whole. I am not broken.
My life is as I have designed it and I am proud of its beautiful mess. I have my boys and I have Kiki; my parents are healthy and Iโm loved; my girlfriends are caring and always show up.
We are healthy. We are thriving. At the end of the day we have it all. And what a feeling that is when you can feel that amazingness fully.ย