350 Days

You can work sooo hard on healing and growing past trauma but in a flash you can be right back to feeling like it just happened, pain so fresh, wounds still open.

350 days ago I would have instinctively turned to Tito’s to take these feelings away. I would have numbed what was happening and drowned it out.

Yesterday I was forced, forced to sit in some feelings and emotions I haven’t felt in a really really long time.

The kinds of feelings and emotions that are so big and wild you’re not even sure what emotion it is. Scared, angry, frustrated, lost, confused, sad, disappointed, furious, relieved, empathetic, hurt, misunderstood, tired, lonely….. all of them, all at once. #nightmarestatus

When there is no closure or ending to traumatic parts of your life it’s easy for the unhealed to come to surface + the unchecked emotions to pour out. If I’m not careful, my old instincts to numb the emotions shows up rather than use the tools I have now to help let them come and go in a healthy way.

Yesterday I was so emotionally wrecked that I couldn’t do the things I knew would help me out of my funk. It took me hours to find my will power, FORCE myself to eat, take a hot bath, oil up and just BREATHE + relax as best I could through it all. Sadly the tears kept coming, the pain felt so raw + I struggled. Hard.

But I stayed the course. I did the things and went to bed.Did the emotions and feelings get closure and go away, NO! But I feel better, much better, I stayed in control, I did the things I knew would help and never considered the coping mechanisms that would take me backwards. #odaat #trauma #healing #justbreathe


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