I’m a cryer.
I cry when I’m excited, sad, mad, happy etc etc. #alltheemotions
I had taken a happier selfie but then I had a moment. A moment when my eyes filled with tears and my brain and body was overwhelmed with anxiety and fear. A moment that can be paralyzing for me. Why this happens exactly I’m not sure, usually a trigger of some kind.
But the trigger is not what I think about, it’s how I cope with what’s happening that I focus on.
I find the days when my hormones switch from ovulating to preparing for my period my emotions take a dive. If I’m not careful I can spend days in a huge funk, when I was drinking these days could turn into weeks.
Using alcohol to cope with feeling bad only pushed me further down. Such a viscous cycle and when you’re in the midst of it all and still “functioning” it seems a perfectly normal to cope.
Eliminating alcohol from my tool box has allowed me to really feel, in the mornings when I would have still been too groggy to function let alone to be awake at all, I’m up before the sun enjoying my drive with a smile on my face on the way to the gym. + yes sometimes tears…as I’m just so overwhelmed with GRATITUDE.
But it also makes me sit in the pain and the anguish that comes along with life and the past that we have had.
Things that would have sent me “needing a glass of wine” now have me breathing through, crying it out, and straight up LETTING IT GO!!! The shift in my mindset in my weakest moments has been nothing short of amazing.
Numbing the issues is no longer an option so I’m forced to push through and come out the other side.
What Ive discovered during the last 332 days is I am more forgiving, loving, creative and feel more compassion that ever before. I can live in the moment and let go, I can breathe easy knowing, IM IN CONTROL + I GOT THIS.
There will always be shitty days, shitty people and just shit luck. We were dealt some shit cards but there is no way I’m gonna let a few bad moments kill the new vibe of our life.
I was given a GIFT of this life and I plan to ENJOY IT. If I have to cry sometimes too, so be it!