This picture popped up in my feed this morning.
February 2017 we moved into the second house in North Carolina. The one I thought would be it!
It would change it all, it would change him. We would make it, we would survive.
Gosh I thought this was gonna be it, guys. This room. This house. All of it.
But it didn’t matter. The perfect cul-de-sac full of kids to play with, light walls and organized shelves. None of it was gonna change what was happening.
We were too far gone. He was too far gone and the lies and charade unraveled.
Right outside this office I had to wipe up my blood from my broken face not one month later. 😞
I worked sooo hard in that house during that time. For our life. I had launched my Etsy store and it was doing so well. I started Carter in preschool with money I had made, and used my entire YL paycheck for the deposit on the new house. He promised me it would get better. I believed if I just did the things, he would get better. 😞
I moved our entire house from the farm to there on my own with 3 kids one of which was a baby. I believe I got 3 hours of help total to move the big items. The rest I did, including cleaning the house we were renting and leaving back to the owners in near perfection on my own. #heresyoursign
I don’t know how much more proof I needed, I was on my own well before we actually left. I guess when you have a “stand by your man” mentally and “I can do/fix it” personality you tend to think that it’s fixable with just the right work.
Unfortunately that’s not how addiction and narcissism works. You can’t perfect the life around someone into changing. You can NOT do something for someone they don’t want for themselves. + you sure as hell can not fix people who do not see that they are broken.
You can’t fix things that you didn’t break. #alittlelouderfortheonesintheback
Just remember when you’re scrolling around Instagram and Facebook this Monday morning and you see that pretty picture of that very organized shelf, before you judge that against your own life you’re living remember it is exactly the picture that the person wants you to see and it is very rarely what is actually happening in real life.
Comparison will steal your joy.
You are worthy.
You are enough.